Non Scale Victories

I decided that I needed to kick the scales to the curb because like many of us, I was placing all my worth on the stupid number it showed me. That does not mean that I no longer weigh myself, but I don’t place so much importance on the number when I decide to. Well, this morning was one of those days where I was wondering just where I stood with my love/hate relationship with the darn thing, so I decided to pull it out of hiding.

I have lost “only” 4 pounds since this whole journey began. Really? Four pounds in four months? A woman my size? That is just plain …… oh, wait a minute. I am no longer letting that number rule my moods. So, let’s take a look at the past four months and see what has happened.

November: The holidays were creeping up on us and I was already starting to stress about family get togethers. This is not an excuse, it is just fact. I have one of those families that creates a lot of stress even during simple gatherings much less a major holiday. So, let the bingeing begin.

December: Please see November. It is just a repeat, only this time it is Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

January: I was off to a decent start. I had started losing the 7 (no, that is not a typo) pounds that I gained over the previous 2 months and even made a last minute trip across the country to surprise my daughter at her baby shower. Then, BAM! It was three days after I returned that we rushed one of our family members to the ER for what we thought was the flu. Since Jan 12^th, my family and I have spent all of our time either at work or the hospital when we aren’t sleeping. The past couple of weeks have gotten better because our bodies basically made us slow down and take a break.

February: We are finally settling down into a routine between work, the hospital, and home. Yes! Finally, a little bit of time at home. There are still many adjustments to be made before this whole ordeal is over, but at least we know that she will be coming home eventually.

Now that we have reviewed my four months on this journey, I am choosing to take a moment to recognize all my non-scale victories (NSV’s) because if you all remember, I no longer define my worth by the number on the scale.

1. While I may have lost “only” four pounds during these past four months, I am choosing to look at the big picture. With the seven pound gain over the holidays, I have actually lost 11 pounds since the beginning of January. Still not a huge amount, but way better than standing still. I promise, this is the only one that has to do with that evil scale AND I do understand that this is not exactly a NON scale victory, but it is a victory.
2. On that last minute trip across the country, I was able to fly three out of the four flights without a seatbelt extender. This I have not been able to do in a very long time and soon, it will be 100% consistent and I won’t even have to stress it. If I had listened to the scales, I would not have even tried and immediately asked for the extender.
3.  I have started and continued some positive habits which will get me to my goal eventually. I now consume between 8 and 10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, drink only water, and find some way to fit a little activity in everyday even if it is only 2 sets of wall push ups every single time I use the restroom. It may not seem like much, but it is much more than I used to do.
4. With all the craziness and stress from the past couple of months, I have not given up. In my book, the only way you fail is if you give up. So, I am in this for the long haul.

To those of you who still depend on the numbers on the scale to validate your success, I challenge you to kick your scale to the curb and look at everything you are gaining by making little changes. I have not made any huge changes in my lifestyle yet, but I can tell you that I actually feel so much better and have more energy now than I did when I was obsessing over the numbers.

Obstacle or Opportunity?

As everyone knows, I have really been struggling that past couple of months. There are so many external factors which I let dictate my life AGAIN! If you want to read about the pep talk I gave myself you can find it in this post.

That lit a fire in me and with the help from my friends; this week has been just one success after the other. Now, has everything been perfect? No. But, I have not given up and I am actually starting to feel better.  I have been able to control my food intake without too much of a struggle and I have gotten activity in every day, even if it is not the amount I wanted it was better than the ZERO activity I was getting before.

There are a lot of changes going on in the little world of me. I am working hard at becoming the best me I can, and at the same time I am trying juggle a family, work, and other responsibilities. I know, I am not the only person who has responsibilities, but they are still a contributing factor to my current stress level. On top of putting my health as a priority above all else, my family and I are moving out of our home into an apartment. (Very long story which I will not bore anyone with)

Because this is kind of a scary move for me, I have decided to make this a positive experience by looking at it as an opportunity to clean out all my closets and garage like I have been wanting to for a while. Just think of all the treasures that my local shelters and/or goodwill will receive AND I will have a nice, clean slate to start from.

I am also a bit excited because this apartment complex has tennis courts and three swimming pools. Let’s just say I see some additional opportunities for activity in addition to the fact that I am pretty sure we will be on the third floor. In preparation for the stairs, I have been forcing myself to go up and down the stairs here at work a couple of times a day. Hopefully I will be conditioned enough that I don’t feel like passing out the first week we are in our new place.

That is really all I have going on right now. How do you handle change? Do you look at it as an obstacle or as an opportunity?

500 Fans and my 50 Reasons to Lose Weight

It has been an exciting week in my little world. Not only was my fourth grandchild born on Valentine’s Day, but I also put a goal out there to hit 300 “likes” on my Facebook page to celebrate her arrival. It was a truly emotional day for me since I was unable to fly to be with her for this occasion so I made a comment about how nice it would be to reach 300 followers on my page to commemorate the occasion. I had no idea what was in store for me when I did that. With a little help from my friends, one day later I now have 507 followers.

To mark the moment, I was trying to think of the best way to thank everyone for having faith in my ability to reach my goals. I have seen many pages do 500 reps of a certain exercise to celebrate 500. Well, I am not even close to being in good enough shape to do 500 reps of anything. So I mulled it over all night to come up with a way to mark the occasion in a unique way.

I know! I will write a blog listing my 500 reasons to lose weight and my inspirations for not giving up. Now, before you close this page out, I can tell you that not only will I have the hardest time coming up with 500 reasons (who could really?), but I am pretty sure that you do not want to spend half your day reading my list. So, what I decided to do was my list of 50 (10% of 500) reasons to lose weight. I am also planning on printing several copies of this and posting it everywhere in my house. So, here is the much-anticipated list:

 

1. To be healthy
2. To watch my grandchildren grow
3. To play with my grandchildren
4. To make my children proud
5. The sense of satisfaction that I actually did it.
6. To walk without struggle (or as my friend Shannon would say, without the waddle so I can strut my stuff. LOL)
7. To fly without a seatbelt extender
8. To be able to use public restrooms effectively. (Come on, you know some of those stalls are too small even for very thin people)
9. To be able to sit in ANY seat without fear
10. To be able to buy clothes because I like them, not just because they fit.
11. To be able to walk into a room and not feel all eyes on me
12. To be judged on how I am as a person, not my pant size
13. To climb stairs without pulling myself up and feeling out of breath
14. To not feel like my stomach is there for an armrest
15. To ride a roller coaster again
16. I want to shop in Victoria’s Secret
17. To tie my shoes without feeling like I just had a full workout
18. To wear shoes that don’t look like “old lady” shoes
19. To get out of bed and not have every bone in my body ache
20. To get in and out of the car effortlessly
21. I would really like to be able to clean my entire house without discomfort. (right now there are areas I just can’t get to due to my weight)
22. To paint my toenails
23. To cross my legs
24. To drive without my stomach rubbing the steering wheel
25. To sit in a booth without sucking in my stomach                             
26. To go through a turnstile
27. To be able to utilize the bottom two drawers of the filing cabinet
28. To not have to say “I’m sorry, Mom/Grandma can’t do that. I will just sit here and watch”
29. To be an example to the rest of my family, most of whom have the same horrible habits I have had for years
30. To want to leave the house
31. To pose in family pictures without hiding behind everyone
32. So hopefully I can inspire all those who inspire me
33. So my ex-husband regrets what he gave up for what he no longer has (purely for self-gratification. Mean, I know, but it is MY list)
34. So my current husband can continue to love me and not become a widower
35. So I can pursue employment with confidence (I have a job that I love, but it just is not paying the bills)
36. To wear boots
37. To live (I know I already said this one, but it IS a pretty important one)
38. To wear a bathing suit again
39. To wear bracelets without my arms looking more bloated than they already are
40. To help with my back pain
41. To sleep better
42. To walk without my thighs making that “swishing” sound
43. To dance with my husband with confidence
44. To spend a day running errands without paying the price of pain
45. To put my pants on “one leg at a time” without holding onto something for balance.
46. To pull my “someday” box out of the back of the closet and actually fit in some of my clothes
47. So my doctor does not, once again, suggest surgery
48. To be able to sit up straight (some of you know what I mean)
49.  So certain members of my family no longer consider me the “black sheep”
50. Did I mention I don’t want to die?!

Well, as you can tell, I started to run out of ideas towards the end there, but you get the point. I have allowed my physical condition to be an excuse to avoid life for as long as I can remember, and please do not read this list as me being negative about myself or down on life. I am actually in a pretty good place right now where I realize that I should not depend on people and circumstances to make me happy. I am ready, willing, and able to take responsibility for my own life and future. My first step is this wonderful community of people who have all clicked the “like” button in support of my journey and others like me. I realize that this is something I need to do on my own, but I am not alone.  

Where’s the Positivity?

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you just feel like you have hit a dead-end? For whatever reason, that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. I have been doing everything I can to think positive and keep a smile on my face. Contrary to what I would like to believe and what I try to project to everyone, I just don’t feel great about myself or my life right now. To help get me out of this funk, I have tried to get into a routine and keep it.

I start every morning telling myself that today is a great day. I make my fresh juice and pack my food for the day so I have healthy meals and snacks available to me throughout while at work. I check in on Facebook often so I can stay in contact with all my favorite people who inspire me and keep the positivity in my day. So, why is it that sometimes I just don’t feel it? Why is it that lately I have been so close to tears because I really feel that everyone in the world can succeed except for me?

Now, please don’t take this as a message that I have given up on myself. Actually, quite the opposite is happening. Today, somehow I managed to dig deeper than I ever thought I could and I am realizing that everyone has their bad days in which they struggle and feel down. So, what did I do? I pushed away the platter of food which was brought into the office today for meetings, and I drank my Green Monster. I then decided that now is the time to write it out. I mean, nothing puts things in perspective more than writing them down for me. So here is my list of self doubts and my own little pep talks to wipe the thoughts excuses out!

Stress: Without going into a lot of detail, the stress level in my life right now is at it’s all time highest. 

•  Well, Diana, do you really think you are the only person on Earth who is stressed? Think again! There are many people out there who are having just as hard of time making it day-to-day, so get off your rear-end and move! Exercise is the best stress buster out there!

Self Loathing: I know that the word “loathing” is a strong word, but that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. Let me explain. We had some pretty important clients coming into town this week for work, so I decided I needed to look for appropriate clothes for the occasion. I FOUND NOTHING THAT WOULD FIT ME! Not even the ugly-I-am-buying-this-just-because-it-fits clothing. Why? Because I literally did not find one article of clothing that fit me. 

•  So, Diana, what does that tell you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it! You will never be able to buy clothes that you want by curling up in a ball of self-pity! Get off your rear-end and move!

My family offers little support for me. I feel the constant demand for the high fat, high sugar food in our home and I am so tired of not only trying to buy enough food for two menus, but cooking two menus is very time-consuming. 

• So, what you are telling me is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to integrate any healthiness into your family’s menu? Come on, you have done it before….. Prepare something healthy and make an extra side dish for them. Who knows? Eventually they may actually get jealous of all the positivity surrounding you and will hop on board with you.

So, what am I doing about it? I am kicking all the self-doubt and excuses out the window and I am not giving up on me. What do you do when you hit a wall and the self-doubt creeps up on you?

Fabulous February

It has been a while since I blogged, so let me catch you up on what has been happening.

On January 12 a member of our family landed herself in the emergency room of the local hospital for what we thought was the flu. Without going into great detail, I can tell you that she came home 12 days later just to have to return the next day. At this time, she is still not home and we are not sure when she will be returning.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because for the last three weeks or so, I have been either at work or the hospital with about 5-6 hours of sleep at home in between. As you can imagine this has had a significant impact on my plan for health since I have been consuming mostly hospital cafeteria food and take out and have had very little time or energy for exercise.

The one thing I have been able to somehow remain consistent with is the food I pack to take to work with me. I have kept my routine of oatmeal for breakfast and some type of protein with a side of veggies for lunch with some smart snacks. The problem I have been having is after I leave work and head for the hospital.

I mentioned something to one of my co-workers today about my frustrations of working hard to take care of myself and at the same time feeling like I have absolutely no control over my life right now. She made a great suggestion and I can’t believe I did not think of it myself. Going forward I am going to pack all three of my meals before leaving for work. Adding dinner to the list won’t be too much extra time in the morning and I can eat right before I leave for the evening so I am not hungry when I hit the hospital. All I have to do is make sure I have plenty of fruits and veggies in the house to snack on when I get home and I should be good to go!

What am I doing about the activity? Well, I have been creating little “office workouts” to do a few times a day while I am at work. While this is something I want to continue doing, I really don’t consider it a “real” workout. I have committed to participate in two challenges for February which I think will help me get back on the path with my activity.  HealthyFitFamilies has started a “Jump Start 2012” Challenge on Facebook which I started yesterday.  I have also committed to participate in “Fab Ab February“. I do not know who originated the challenge because there are several forums with this challenge, I decided to do it on my own and invited my Facebook followers to join me.

For the month of January I logged less than a pound loss, but it is a loss. With these changes to my routine along with a positive attitude, I plan to make February a success!