Tag Archives: stress

My 99¢ Therapy

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Whether you have 10 pounds or 100+ pounds to lose it is not easy. Even if you really have no weight to lose but want to start living healthier there are obstacles to overcome.

With me, it is the mental part of it. Once my head is in the game, there is no stopping me. My biggest obstacle is myself. I get overwhelmed by the long road ahead of me and it does not take much to push me towards a dead end. I eat my emotions and there have been a lot of roller coaster emotions the past several years for me.

Well, I started keeping a journal.

I have been not only writing in my journal, but somehow my journal entries have been prompting me to have complete conversations with myself. In a way, I guess it is kind of an easy way to save money on therapy. The point is this little book that I carry in my purse has given me an outlet to get the junk out of my head. Has it solved the all issues in my little world? Not at all. Has it given me a chance to speak my peace? Absolutely.

I feel like the little light bulb finally stopped flickering and has switched into bright mode. My mind is feeling clearer and I am more focused. For the first time in a very long time I actually feel like the fight is really worth fighting and it is actually a possibility probability that I will win.

I know that there are many of you who are thinking that I have been putting up a great act of positivity and healthy changes to my lifestyle. Well, I knew that if I kept throwing the positivity out there, that I would eventually feel it and then I would be back on track. As far as the healthy changes, I have made many positive changes in my eating habits; unfortunately it has not been 100% of the time which has hurt me a great deal.

It was like being the positive model by day and cookie monster by night for me. Why? I eat my emotions. While I was at work, I didn’t really have time to dwell on the other aspects of my life. So, why have I been 100% on track with my eating, goals, and balancing emotions for three days now? I believe it is because I have taken the time to keep a journal. I have an online journal for tracking food, which is great, but it does not address the emotional aspect of trying to deal with life. My little 99¢ notebook has become the most valuable tool in this fight and I am so glad I have it.

So, I can finally say with 100% certainty that this journey is worth fighting for. I may make a few steps backwards now and then, but I will not give up on myself regardless of how many times others try to push me down. Remember this: I will come back stronger than ever!

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Obstacle or Opportunity?

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As everyone knows, I have really been struggling that past couple of months. There are so many external factors which I let dictate my life AGAIN! If you want to read about the pep talk I gave myself you can find it in this post.

That lit a fire in me and with the help from my friends; this week has been just one success after the other. Now, has everything been perfect? No. But, I have not given up and I am actually starting to feel better.  I have been able to control my food intake without too much of a struggle and I have gotten activity in every day, even if it is not the amount I wanted it was better than the ZERO activity I was getting before.

There are a lot of changes going on in the little world of me. I am working hard at becoming the best me I can, and at the same time I am trying juggle a family, work, and other responsibilities. I know, I am not the only person who has responsibilities, but they are still a contributing factor to my current stress level. On top of putting my health as a priority above all else, my family and I are moving out of our home into an apartment. (Very long story which I will not bore anyone with)

Because this is kind of a scary move for me, I have decided to make this a positive experience by looking at it as an opportunity to clean out all my closets and garage like I have been wanting to for a while. Just think of all the treasures that my local shelters and/or goodwill will receive AND I will have a nice, clean slate to start from.

I am also a bit excited because this apartment complex has tennis courts and three swimming pools. Let’s just say I see some additional opportunities for activity in addition to the fact that I am pretty sure we will be on the third floor. In preparation for the stairs, I have been forcing myself to go up and down the stairs here at work a couple of times a day. Hopefully I will be conditioned enough that I don’t feel like passing out the first week we are in our new place.

That is really all I have going on right now. How do you handle change? Do you look at it as an obstacle or as an opportunity?

Where’s the Positivity?

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Have you ever been in a place in your life where you just feel like you have hit a dead-end? For whatever reason, that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. I have been doing everything I can to think positive and keep a smile on my face. Contrary to what I would like to believe and what I try to project to everyone, I just don’t feel great about myself or my life right now. To help get me out of this funk, I have tried to get into a routine and keep it.

I start every morning telling myself that today is a great day. I make my fresh juice and pack my food for the day so I have healthy meals and snacks available to me throughout while at work. I check in on Facebook often so I can stay in contact with all my favorite people who inspire me and keep the positivity in my day. So, why is it that sometimes I just don’t feel it? Why is it that lately I have been so close to tears because I really feel that everyone in the world can succeed except for me?

Now, please don’t take this as a message that I have given up on myself. Actually, quite the opposite is happening. Today, somehow I managed to dig deeper than I ever thought I could and I am realizing that everyone has their bad days in which they struggle and feel down. So, what did I do? I pushed away the platter of food which was brought into the office today for meetings, and I drank my Green Monster. I then decided that now is the time to write it out. I mean, nothing puts things in perspective more than writing them down for me. So here is my list of self doubts and my own little pep talks to wipe the thoughts excuses out!

Stress: Without going into a lot of detail, the stress level in my life right now is at it’s all time highest. 

  •  Well, Diana, do you really think you are the only person on Earth who is stressed? Think again! There are many people out there who are having just as hard of time making it day-to-day, so get off your rear-end and move! Exercise is the best stress buster out there!

Self Loathing: I know that the word “loathing” is a strong word, but that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. Let me explain. We had some pretty important clients coming into town this week for work, so I decided I needed to look for appropriate clothes for the occasion. I FOUND NOTHING THAT WOULD FIT ME! Not even the ugly-I-am-buying-this-just-because-it-fits clothing. Why? Because I literally did not find one article of clothing that fit me. 

  •  So, Diana, what does that tell you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it! You will never be able to buy clothes that you want by curling up in a ball of self-pity! Get off your rear-end and move!

My family offers little support for me. I feel the constant demand for the high fat, high sugar food in our home and I am so tired of not only trying to buy enough food for two menus, but cooking two menus is very time-consuming. 

  • So, what you are telling me is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to integrate any healthiness into your family’s menu? Come on, you have done it before….. Prepare something healthy and make an extra side dish for them. Who knows? Eventually they may actually get jealous of all the positivity surrounding you and will hop on board with you.

So, what am I doing about it? I am kicking all the self-doubt and excuses out the window and I am not giving up on me. What do you do when you hit a wall and the self-doubt creeps up on you?

Taking Responsibility

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The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I went from such happiness having spent some time with my children and grandchildren to feelings of hopelessness and despair as our family found one of our own in the intensive care unit with not very good news. For a little over a week now I have been surviving on lots of coffee and cafeteria food or take out since all my waking moments are either at work or at the hospital.

There are some who might feel that the stress from the current situation might be the perfect reason excuse to put my goals aside. I have to admit, I was starting to lean that way. I found myself focusing on all the “what if’s” and things that just HAD to be done rather than slowing down and making a plan. Last night I cracked and had my moment of glory craziness where my husband was very aware that I needed both sleep and a break.

Thank goodness for great husbands! This morning I woke up thinking a little more clearly and I am ready to take responsibility for my life and leave the things I have no control over to God. He knows what to do and I just need to let go and step back. I am in the fight for my own life and I am not helping anyone by continuing the path of self-destruction which I have followed for so many years.

This morning I took the time to pack my breakfast and my lunch for work and took something out of the freezer which can be prepared quickly for dinner tonight when I get home from the hospital. No more grabbing fast food just because it’s convenient I did not plan ahead and it is the “easy” way out. I also have fruit on my desk and almond butter in the kitchen here at work for snacks. I am no longer using life’s road bumps as an excuse to stop caring about my own health. I have taken responsibility for my own health and well-being and this is one battle I intend to win!

The Aftermath of Christmas

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Like so many, I got caught up in the craziness of Christmas and ate A LOT!

Unlike so many, I am not waiting for the New Year to get back to business.

Christmas day was spent reflecting on the past year and remembering all the promises I made to myself which were broken, all the goals which were made and not met, and the self loathing which resulted.

About two weeks ago I decided enough is enough. The Fairy Godmother is not going to wave her magic wand and make years of self-destruction disappear. I also am not going to meet any of those goals by writing them alone. Yes, I know it is a shock to everyone that writing something down does not make it so. You mean I have to actually work at it?

Let’s take my 5K in February goal. To be fair, when I set that goal (in April) I was working out and feeling good. I thought that if I set the goal far enough in the future, that I would have no problem meeting that goal. I mean, 10 months is more than enough time to get in shape for a 5K even at my size, right? Here are the problems with that thought process:

  • 10 months leaves you plenty of time for procrastination (if you are a procrastinator like me)
  • The month delay also made it feel not real for some reason
  • I announced the goal to the world, set up a FaceBook page just for that goal with accountability in mind. For some reason this did the opposite and I put a lot of pressure on myself. I gave up before I even gave myself a chance.
  • I let life get in the way and took my eye off the goal because it was something I could “worry about later”

Let me just put it out there publicly. The 5K goal in February (which I signed up for and paid for by the way) is more than likely not going to happen. I am not being a pessimist nor am I giving up on myself. I am telling you that with just a little over a month to go, I can barely walk a mile without pain.

Here is a clear-cut, very short-term goal to take myself into the new year:

For the remainder of 2011 and the month of January I will not eat my emotions or my stress. I am finding better ways to deal with life.

As my co-worker has told me, exercise is the not only an excellent way for her to deal with her stress, but the only way. I already knew that, but it is about time I actually apply the knowledge.

How have I dealt with the aftermath of Christmas? I have not let the loss of control actually control me. I took control back and I am on my way to healthy!