Tag Archives: stress level

My 99¢ Therapy

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Whether you have 10 pounds or 100+ pounds to lose it is not easy. Even if you really have no weight to lose but want to start living healthier there are obstacles to overcome.

With me, it is the mental part of it. Once my head is in the game, there is no stopping me. My biggest obstacle is myself. I get overwhelmed by the long road ahead of me and it does not take much to push me towards a dead end. I eat my emotions and there have been a lot of roller coaster emotions the past several years for me.

Well, I started keeping a journal.

I have been not only writing in my journal, but somehow my journal entries have been prompting me to have complete conversations with myself. In a way, I guess it is kind of an easy way to save money on therapy. The point is this little book that I carry in my purse has given me an outlet to get the junk out of my head. Has it solved the all issues in my little world? Not at all. Has it given me a chance to speak my peace? Absolutely.

I feel like the little light bulb finally stopped flickering and has switched into bright mode. My mind is feeling clearer and I am more focused. For the first time in a very long time I actually feel like the fight is really worth fighting and it is actually a possibility probability that I will win.

I know that there are many of you who are thinking that I have been putting up a great act of positivity and healthy changes to my lifestyle. Well, I knew that if I kept throwing the positivity out there, that I would eventually feel it and then I would be back on track. As far as the healthy changes, I have made many positive changes in my eating habits; unfortunately it has not been 100% of the time which has hurt me a great deal.

It was like being the positive model by day and cookie monster by night for me. Why? I eat my emotions. While I was at work, I didn’t really have time to dwell on the other aspects of my life. So, why have I been 100% on track with my eating, goals, and balancing emotions for three days now? I believe it is because I have taken the time to keep a journal. I have an online journal for tracking food, which is great, but it does not address the emotional aspect of trying to deal with life. My little 99¢ notebook has become the most valuable tool in this fight and I am so glad I have it.

So, I can finally say with 100% certainty that this journey is worth fighting for. I may make a few steps backwards now and then, but I will not give up on myself regardless of how many times others try to push me down. Remember this: I will come back stronger than ever!

What Would Mom Think?

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I will spare everyone the long sordid story, but there has been some extra doses of stress dealt to my family these past couple of weeks and as a result I have not been the best that I can be. I have kept the positivity up on the outside, but the internal struggle is overwhelming at times.

This is one of those times that I really, really miss my Mom. You know what I mean; I miss her all the time, but I can just imagine what she would say to me given my current state of mind and physical condition. These are her words which are ringing in my ears today:

Diana,

I really don’t know why you are killing yourself this way. You have spent your entire life trying to live up to the expectations of others and totally disregarding your own needs, hopes, dreams, and ultimately your health. I know it has been real hard for you since I was called home, but I am still with you and I can see all the positive changes you have made in your life.

Lately, some of those changes have not been so visible. You will never, ever make everyone happy. Ultimately you will destroy any chance you have at a healthy life if you continue to kill yourself over what you feel some of the family members and/or strangers think about you and your choices. Oh, and as long as we are on the subject, since when do you let people who don’t even know you dictate how you feel about yourself?

Do you not remember watching me try to live up to my sisters’ image and expectations? It drove me crazy and I spent many nights crying over things out of my control. Please, oh please learn from my mistakes and take care of yourself. I want your grandchildren to have you around. One of my greatest regrets is that my grandchildren have grown without being able to really know me.

So, Diana, this is my advice to you. Stop giving other people so much control over your life. Just be yourself and take care of yourself the way you know you need to. Reach deep down into that place where you still know that you can and will succeed in anything and everything you want to do. If you don’t you will follow in my footsteps and leave this earth long before your time and you have much more to give the world.

Love,

Mom

Obstacle or Opportunity?

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As everyone knows, I have really been struggling that past couple of months. There are so many external factors which I let dictate my life AGAIN! If you want to read about the pep talk I gave myself you can find it in this post.

That lit a fire in me and with the help from my friends; this week has been just one success after the other. Now, has everything been perfect? No. But, I have not given up and I am actually starting to feel better.  I have been able to control my food intake without too much of a struggle and I have gotten activity in every day, even if it is not the amount I wanted it was better than the ZERO activity I was getting before.

There are a lot of changes going on in the little world of me. I am working hard at becoming the best me I can, and at the same time I am trying juggle a family, work, and other responsibilities. I know, I am not the only person who has responsibilities, but they are still a contributing factor to my current stress level. On top of putting my health as a priority above all else, my family and I are moving out of our home into an apartment. (Very long story which I will not bore anyone with)

Because this is kind of a scary move for me, I have decided to make this a positive experience by looking at it as an opportunity to clean out all my closets and garage like I have been wanting to for a while. Just think of all the treasures that my local shelters and/or goodwill will receive AND I will have a nice, clean slate to start from.

I am also a bit excited because this apartment complex has tennis courts and three swimming pools. Let’s just say I see some additional opportunities for activity in addition to the fact that I am pretty sure we will be on the third floor. In preparation for the stairs, I have been forcing myself to go up and down the stairs here at work a couple of times a day. Hopefully I will be conditioned enough that I don’t feel like passing out the first week we are in our new place.

That is really all I have going on right now. How do you handle change? Do you look at it as an obstacle or as an opportunity?

Where’s the Positivity?

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Have you ever been in a place in your life where you just feel like you have hit a dead-end? For whatever reason, that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. I have been doing everything I can to think positive and keep a smile on my face. Contrary to what I would like to believe and what I try to project to everyone, I just don’t feel great about myself or my life right now. To help get me out of this funk, I have tried to get into a routine and keep it.

I start every morning telling myself that today is a great day. I make my fresh juice and pack my food for the day so I have healthy meals and snacks available to me throughout while at work. I check in on Facebook often so I can stay in contact with all my favorite people who inspire me and keep the positivity in my day. So, why is it that sometimes I just don’t feel it? Why is it that lately I have been so close to tears because I really feel that everyone in the world can succeed except for me?

Now, please don’t take this as a message that I have given up on myself. Actually, quite the opposite is happening. Today, somehow I managed to dig deeper than I ever thought I could and I am realizing that everyone has their bad days in which they struggle and feel down. So, what did I do? I pushed away the platter of food which was brought into the office today for meetings, and I drank my Green Monster. I then decided that now is the time to write it out. I mean, nothing puts things in perspective more than writing them down for me. So here is my list of self doubts and my own little pep talks to wipe the thoughts excuses out!

Stress: Without going into a lot of detail, the stress level in my life right now is at it’s all time highest. 

  •  Well, Diana, do you really think you are the only person on Earth who is stressed? Think again! There are many people out there who are having just as hard of time making it day-to-day, so get off your rear-end and move! Exercise is the best stress buster out there!

Self Loathing: I know that the word “loathing” is a strong word, but that is exactly how I have been feeling the past couple of days. Let me explain. We had some pretty important clients coming into town this week for work, so I decided I needed to look for appropriate clothes for the occasion. I FOUND NOTHING THAT WOULD FIT ME! Not even the ugly-I-am-buying-this-just-because-it-fits clothing. Why? Because I literally did not find one article of clothing that fit me. 

  •  So, Diana, what does that tell you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it! You will never be able to buy clothes that you want by curling up in a ball of self-pity! Get off your rear-end and move!

My family offers little support for me. I feel the constant demand for the high fat, high sugar food in our home and I am so tired of not only trying to buy enough food for two menus, but cooking two menus is very time-consuming. 

  • So, what you are telling me is that it is IMPOSSIBLE to integrate any healthiness into your family’s menu? Come on, you have done it before….. Prepare something healthy and make an extra side dish for them. Who knows? Eventually they may actually get jealous of all the positivity surrounding you and will hop on board with you.

So, what am I doing about it? I am kicking all the self-doubt and excuses out the window and I am not giving up on me. What do you do when you hit a wall and the self-doubt creeps up on you?