Tag Archives: excuses

I Am The Author Of My Life

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I have always been a writer at heart. It has always been a dream of mine to write a book. The topic of this book has changed over the years depending on where my life is at the moment. I have gone back and forth in my mind and could never really answer that question.

Fiction or non-fiction? Mystery or romance? Biography or auto biography? Collection of poems? Well, you get the picture. I have the beginnings to many great stories in my floppy disks, cds, and usb drives, but I have never completed any of them. OK, you got me. That is not 100% true. I do have a couple of completed poems and some short stories from my high school days.

The point is, I guess that I never really had enough faith in myself that I could actually produce a finished product which anyone would like. I have never believed the positive feedback received from family, friends, teachers, and employers. I felt it was “sympathy praise”. Some of you may find that statement crazy, but I am pretty sure that there are plenty of you out there who know exactly where I am coming from.

When you have no faith in yourself it is pretty difficult to believe that anyone else can genuinely like anything about you. Well, that is how I have felt most of my life. I could go into a long drawn out story about my childhood, dysfunctional relationships with my parents/family, the death of my parents and brother, being called the fat kid, or even feeling like the black sheep of the family. But, when it comes down to it, you can only blame the world for so long before you have to take responsibility for your own life.

What about the story of my life? It has gotten off to a pretty slow start. The first 44 years of it has been filled with a lot of self-esteem issues, insecurities, and emotional baggage. Does that mean that the story can’t go in a different direction halfway through the book? Not at all. I am the author of this story and a huge twist is happening NOW!

With a lot of support from my children, my husband, and the people I have met on my Facebook page, I have actually started to believe in myself. The next few chapters are going to be filled with ups and downs, but the finale will full of love and self acceptance with a lot of action mixed in.

Oh, and about that novel that I want to publish? That is coming as well. It is never too late!

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The Things I Might Miss by Losing Weight

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First of all, I need to address why I have been MIA on this blog. My last post was nearly two months ago. I could go through a long explanation excuse of how I have been so busy moving and working, but I don’t want to lie to you. Yes, my family and I did move and I have also been working quite a bit. But, that has not stopped me from regularly maintaining my Facebook page, so why not post? Well, I think part of it is because I have been feeling like a big fraud. My page has gained popularity and I have been blessed with the greatest support system a girl could have. Not only do I have several family and friends who cheer me on, but there are hundreds of people I have never met who offer continuous advice and support. The thing is, although I am in fact doing everything that I have promised and posted, there are many things I have not done.

I have not been consistent at all with eating. Well, I have been eating, just not making good choices consistently. I have been doing the activities and exercises that I have been posting, but I know I am not pushing myself to do more.

With that said, I have had a few humbling, yet motivating moments the past couple of days and I am here asking you to not give up on me. I have not given up on myself and I know that I can and will live a healthier life.

There are many posts out there, including some from me, which give various reasons to lose weight. Everything from health to fashion has been mentioned. Let’s face it; we all know the health risks associated with carrying extra weight as well as the lack of clothing selections. We also have our own struggles with everyday life to deal with. If losing weight were easy, no one would be overweight. This is not a life that anyone chooses willingly.

With that said, I thought it would be an interesting twist to list the things I might miss about being overweight once I have crossed the line from obesity to “normalcy”. Here is a list of those things:

  1. The ability to stay off of everyone’s radar by staying hidden in the background
  2. Being able to stay in bed an extra 10-15 minutes every morning because I just can’t get the energy to get up
  3. Asking my husband for assistance to get up off the floor, or even the couch at times
  4. My slip on shoes, I might actually have to tie my own shoes
  5. Staying home all the time
  6. The constant weggies (TMI, I know, but this is my list and those of you who are obese know what I am talking about)
  7. My couch
  8. Elevators and escalators
  9. Sitting on the bench while my family rides the roller coasters
  10. Polyester and elastic
  11. The bruises on the side of my legs from chairs
  12. Seatbelt extenders
  13. Heavy breathing all the time
  14. The lectures from my doctor
  15. The lack of invitations to social events or even family events (this makes it easier to hide in the house)

As you have probably figured out, this is more of a sarcastic list. The point is, I have so much to gain by losing and I am so tired of starting over every single day. We all know that I have had my fair share of struggles the past couple of years, but it is my own fault that I let these life events interfere with what should be my number one priority: ME! That is why I have not given and I never will. Today is a gift just as yesterday was and it is my choice how I use it. I am using it to mark my determination to make not only today, but my future better than yesterday.

Taking Responsibility

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The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I went from such happiness having spent some time with my children and grandchildren to feelings of hopelessness and despair as our family found one of our own in the intensive care unit with not very good news. For a little over a week now I have been surviving on lots of coffee and cafeteria food or take out since all my waking moments are either at work or at the hospital.

There are some who might feel that the stress from the current situation might be the perfect reason excuse to put my goals aside. I have to admit, I was starting to lean that way. I found myself focusing on all the “what if’s” and things that just HAD to be done rather than slowing down and making a plan. Last night I cracked and had my moment of glory craziness where my husband was very aware that I needed both sleep and a break.

Thank goodness for great husbands! This morning I woke up thinking a little more clearly and I am ready to take responsibility for my life and leave the things I have no control over to God. He knows what to do and I just need to let go and step back. I am in the fight for my own life and I am not helping anyone by continuing the path of self-destruction which I have followed for so many years.

This morning I took the time to pack my breakfast and my lunch for work and took something out of the freezer which can be prepared quickly for dinner tonight when I get home from the hospital. No more grabbing fast food just because it’s convenient I did not plan ahead and it is the “easy” way out. I also have fruit on my desk and almond butter in the kitchen here at work for snacks. I am no longer using life’s road bumps as an excuse to stop caring about my own health. I have taken responsibility for my own health and well-being and this is one battle I intend to win!