It has been a while since I blogged, so let me catch you up on what has been happening.
On January 12 a member of our family landed herself in the emergency room of the local hospital for what we thought was the flu. Without going into great detail, I can tell you that she came home 12 days later just to have to return the next day. At this time, she is still not home and we are not sure when she will be returning.
Why am I telling you this? Well, because for the last three weeks or so, I have been either at work or the hospital with about 5-6 hours of sleep at home in between. As you can imagine this has had a significant impact on my plan for health since I have been consuming mostly hospital cafeteria food and take out and have had very little time or energy for exercise.
The one thing I have been able to somehow remain consistent with is the food I pack to take to work with me. I have kept my routine of oatmeal for breakfast and some type of protein with a side of veggies for lunch with some smart snacks. The problem I have been having is after I leave work and head for the hospital.
I mentioned something to one of my co-workers today about my frustrations of working hard to take care of myself and at the same time feeling like I have absolutely no control over my life right now. She made a great suggestion and I can’t believe I did not think of it myself. Going forward I am going to pack all three of my meals before leaving for work. Adding dinner to the list won’t be too much extra time in the morning and I can eat right before I leave for the evening so I am not hungry when I hit the hospital. All I have to do is make sure I have plenty of fruits and veggies in the house to snack on when I get home and I should be good to go!
What am I doing about the activity? Well, I have been creating little “office workouts” to do a few times a day while I am at work. While this is something I want to continue doing, I really don’t consider it a “real” workout. I have committed to participate in two challenges for February which I think will help me get back on the path with my activity. HealthyFitFamilies has started a “Jump Start 2012” Challenge on Facebook which I started yesterday. I have also committed to participate in “Fab Ab February“. I do not know who originated the challenge because there are several forums with this challenge, I decided to do it on my own and invited my Facebook followers to join me.
For the month of January I logged less than a pound loss, but it is a loss. With these changes to my routine along with a positive attitude, I plan to make February a success!
The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I went from such happiness having spent some time with my children and grandchildren to feelings of hopelessness and despair as our family found one of our own in the intensive care unit with not very good news. For a little over a week now I have been surviving on lots of coffee and cafeteria food or take out since all my waking moments are either at work or at the hospital.
There are some who might feel that the stress from the current situation might be the perfect
reason excuse to put my goals aside. I have to admit, I was starting to lean that way. I found myself focusing on all the “what if’s” and things that just HAD to be done rather than slowing down and making a plan. Last night I cracked and had my moment of glory craziness where my husband was very aware that I needed both sleep and a break.
Thank goodness for great husbands! This morning I woke up thinking a little more clearly and I am ready to take responsibility for my life and leave the things I have no control over to God. He knows what to do and I just need to let go and step back. I am in the fight for my own life and I am not helping anyone by continuing the path of self-destruction which I have followed for so many years.
This morning I took the time to pack my breakfast and my lunch for work and took something out of the freezer which can be prepared quickly for dinner tonight when I get home from the hospital. No more grabbing fast food just because
it’s convenient I did not plan ahead and it is the “easy” way out. I also have fruit on my desk and almond butter in the kitchen here at work for snacks. I am no longer using life’s road bumps as an excuse to stop caring about my own health. I have taken responsibility for my own health and well-being and this is one battle I intend to win!
Weigh in for week 3 on Weight Watchers was last Friday. Due to a last-minute trip across the country and the subsequent illness that followed, I have not posted the results yet.
Drum roll please……….
4.4 pounds lost!!!!
That is not a typo, I did in fact log a 4.4 pound loss on my first week of being serious and not making excuses. This is proof that I can do it! I am not expecting to duplicate that success this week at all. Not only did I fly across the country to Reno , but I came home with the flu of some sort. While it was worth the one day trip to surprise my daughter, it completely disrupted my routine.
Don’t get me wrong. I did not do too badly, but I was not good either. But isn’t that what life is? Adjusting yourself to the situation and your surroundings? So, I went to IHOP for breakfast, used my best judgement, and put the fork down when I was satisfied. I did not clean my plate nor did I feel deprived at all. I also had pizza for dinner with my family Sunday night. Again, not the best choice, but I ate two slices and drank water.
I flew home Monday and immediately came down with some kind of stomach virus. I am not sure if someone on the plane was sick or if my granddaughter passed it onto me while I was with her. Either way, all night Monday and all day yesterday were pretty unpleasant for me. Today, I am feeling a lot better and hopefully I can actually eat.
In an effort to get back to the initial goal of incorporating walking/running into my routine, I have found this program from Skinny Ms Fitness on Facebook and I think it is doable for me since I can’t jog at my fitness level. But, I can walk so I think this will be a great thing to incorporate with my strength training at the gym.
Do you have any words of advice for me? I can use all the help I can get because I am determined to get healthy!
I have always liked fruits and veggies, but for some reason have the hardest time getting them into my daily life. Part of it is because the rest of my family is not real fond of anything which was once a plant and part of it is because I get just lazy and go with the flow.
In an effort to find healthy snacks to curb my hunger, I have been buying more fruit. Well, one day last week I was so hungry and there were still a few hours before dinner. I really did not want to eat that early because I knew that I would most definitely be hungry again in no time. After about 10 minutes of arguing with myself about what I wanted to snack on, I grabbed an apple (instead of the bag of Doritos). Not only did that apple satisfy me until it was time to eat dinner, but I ended up eating less at dinner.
OK, I know you are thinking to yourself that everyone knows that the fiber in fruit/vegetables is filling and they are packed full of all kind of nutrients, but one does not get to be 300+ pounds by thinking logically about food.
My relationship with food has been delusional to say the least. After all, there is corn in tortilla chips, and when you eat only one serving to curb hunger there is no harm, right? Fast forward 15 minutes. The entire bag is gone along with whatever I found to dip them in along with some soda or juice to wash it down and I am still hungry? Is that rational to anyone? It’s not even rational to me and I have done it hundreds if not thousands of times.
This seemingly small victory has started a huge trend for me. Strange as it sounds, that one apple gave me the ammunition I was looking for against my hunger. Every day since, I have eaten at least one apple and on most days I have eaten two throughout the day and amazingly enough I have not really been hungry. When I have gotten the urge to eat I have found that I am gravitating away from the junk and towards the apples, bananas, and pineapple. The extra bonus is that fruit is zero points if you are following Weight Watchers!
Maybe, just maybe, I am on to something. 🙂
The time has come to reflect on 2011 and move towards 2012. While I can’t say that I accomplished all that I set out to this year, I can say that I have learned so much. Here are just a few things I am taking into 2012 with me that I did not have last year at this time:
- An amazing communityof literally hundreds if not thousands who are rooting me on.
How lucky am I that I have all these personal trainers, motivators, friends, and mentors whose knowledge and experience I can draw from?
- A better understanding that weight loss/health is just as much mental as it is physical.
Until now I never took the time to deal with the emotional aspects of being overweight and the reasons why I got this way to begin with. It goes much deeper than just the love of food.
- I have a better relationship with myself which has resulted in a better self-image the way I am now rather than the way I wish I was.
This is directly related to the previous statement. Until I really started to understand why I am hiding behind my size, I really did not understand what steps need to be taken to fix it.
These last couple of months, I have worked very hard to work through all the denial and the brutal honesty is paying off.
Finally! I have a plan. It may not be the plan that works for anyone else, but it is a plan for me. I am taking this journey one day at a time and I will stop to smell the roses when I need to. I have nothing else but time, so I might as well not rush through it.
As I stated in my previous blog, my first short-term goal is to find constructive ways to deal with my emotions and stress other than eating and feeling sorry for myself. Hmmm, the first thought that comes to mind is the gym! 🙂
Like so many, I got caught up in the craziness of Christmas and ate A LOT!
Unlike so many, I am not waiting for the New Year to get back to business.
Christmas day was spent reflecting on the past year and remembering all the promises I made to myself which were broken, all the goals which were made and not met, and the self loathing which resulted.
About two weeks ago I decided enough is enough. The Fairy Godmother is not going to wave her magic wand and make years of self-destruction disappear. I also am not going to meet any of those goals by writing them alone. Yes, I know it is a shock to everyone that writing something down does not make it so. You mean I have to actually work at it?
Let’s take my 5K in February goal. To be fair, when I set that goal (in April) I was working out and feeling good. I thought that if I set the goal far enough in the future, that I would have no problem meeting that goal. I mean, 10 months is more than enough time to get in shape for a 5K even at my size, right? Here are the problems with that thought process:
- 10 months leaves you plenty of time for procrastination (if you are a procrastinator like me)
- The month delay also made it feel not real for some reason
- I announced the goal to the world, set up a FaceBook page just for that goal with accountability in mind. For some reason this did the opposite and I put a lot of pressure on myself. I gave up before I even gave myself a chance.
- I let life get in the way and took my eye off the goal because it was something I could “worry about later”
Let me just put it out there publicly. The 5K goal in February (which I signed up for and paid for by the way) is more than likely not going to happen. I am not being a pessimist nor am I giving up on myself. I am telling you that with just a little over a month to go, I can barely walk a mile without pain.
Here is a clear-cut, very short-term goal to take myself into the new year:
For the remainder of 2011 and the month of January I will not eat my emotions or my stress. I am finding better ways to deal with life.
As my co-worker has told me, exercise is the not only an excellent way for her to deal with her stress, but the only way. I already knew that, but it is about time I actually apply the knowledge.
How have I dealt with the aftermath of Christmas? I have not let the loss of control actually control me. I took control back and I am on my way to healthy!
This week has been a struggle. I was a little slow out of the gate, but I managed to finish strong. For my first week back to tracking my food, I have logged a 2.6 pound weight loss! Considering it was the week before Christmas, that is pretty good! Well, for anytime it is good, but imagine what it would have been if I had not taken 3 days to actually apply the tools I paid for and tracked my food!
Christmas is in two days and I am a little worried about it. Although I am not having any special celebrations or anything due to my husband working and my son being out of town, I have been invited to my in-laws’ house. There is always an abundance of food, desserts, and alcohol at their festivities. I am planning on drinking plenty of water and filling up on veggies before I go.
Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas!